it takes time to build trust when you-re starting a new relationship. it-s not a given. it-s something you earn. with time. at least, that-s how we see it in the u.s. it-s not that we distrust people. it-s just we don-t like to rush into relationships. we like to take our time.
gringo version of a relationship:
the first 1 - 2 months is like the application submission and review stage. your application has been received and is being reviewed. if it is accepted, your application will be promoted to the research phase. this means that you will be exclusive with that person, but you are still under review to determine compatibility. this stage usually lasts 2 - 4 months. if you pass this stage, then we feel that we 'know' you, we trust you.
how gringos feel about the latino version:
when you guys put it all out there right away, it feels forced. not genuine. we feel like something is wrong with you. why are you giving away something that is precious - your trust - for free. you are treating it like candy. giving it away to anyone who will take it.
latino version of a relationship:
you meet someone. you like them. you show them this with affection and trust. otherwise, they think you are not interested. if that goes okay, then you start pololeando (more on this in another post). basically, it means you are exclusive AND you have accepted the trust that was shown to you.
how latinos feel about the gringo version:
this whole 'getting to know someone' process is really arbitrary and seems to go on forever. it-s confusing. how do you when you know someone? and how do you get there? yeah, try explaining that one to a latino. it-s not easy.
conclusion:
it-s just like the affection thing. there is no right or wrong. no better or worse. it-s a matter of communication. it-s hard because sometimes you don-t necesarily know WHAT you feel or WHY because it-s so innate and you-ve never had to confront a situation where you have to explain it someone.
even though it-s hard. and sometimes it-s really fucking hard... once you start getting the hang of it, it can be really fun. cause things that are easy, are usually boring. the interesting stuff happens when you are challenged and you-re frustrated and pissed off. that-s what i think anyway.
gringo version of a relationship:
the first 1 - 2 months is like the application submission and review stage. your application has been received and is being reviewed. if it is accepted, your application will be promoted to the research phase. this means that you will be exclusive with that person, but you are still under review to determine compatibility. this stage usually lasts 2 - 4 months. if you pass this stage, then we feel that we 'know' you, we trust you.
how gringos feel about the latino version:
when you guys put it all out there right away, it feels forced. not genuine. we feel like something is wrong with you. why are you giving away something that is precious - your trust - for free. you are treating it like candy. giving it away to anyone who will take it.
latino version of a relationship:
you meet someone. you like them. you show them this with affection and trust. otherwise, they think you are not interested. if that goes okay, then you start pololeando (more on this in another post). basically, it means you are exclusive AND you have accepted the trust that was shown to you.
how latinos feel about the gringo version:
this whole 'getting to know someone' process is really arbitrary and seems to go on forever. it-s confusing. how do you when you know someone? and how do you get there? yeah, try explaining that one to a latino. it-s not easy.
conclusion:
it-s just like the affection thing. there is no right or wrong. no better or worse. it-s a matter of communication. it-s hard because sometimes you don-t necesarily know WHAT you feel or WHY because it-s so innate and you-ve never had to confront a situation where you have to explain it someone.
even though it-s hard. and sometimes it-s really fucking hard... once you start getting the hang of it, it can be really fun. cause things that are easy, are usually boring. the interesting stuff happens when you are challenged and you-re frustrated and pissed off. that-s what i think anyway.
the problem is that cultural things are "transparent" .... if something is normal for you, then you see no reason to communicate any explanation to the other side .. and because the other doesn't receive any additional input he/she just interpret it according to their way of see things
ReplyDeletehey, i updated this based on our conversation. tell me what you think (especially the latino view).
ReplyDelete