dating (el final)

I haven’t been writing because the charger for my laptop stopped working and I refuse to type more than one paragraph on my phone because I’m old and grumpy like that.

 

So, basically, as soon as I wrote that last post, I broke up with my boyfriend. Not because of anything cultural, but because I wasn’t in love with him. I thought I could have a relationship with someone that I liked and who I was compatible with. That that would be enough. That I didn’t have to be ‘in love’. But my brain doesn’t work like that.

 

I completely understand the repercussions, which are that I may be alone for a long time. And I’m okay with that. After having so many relationships in such a short time here, I don’t see things with the same rose colored glasses that I used to. And anyway, I have lots of practice being alone so I’m not really worried.

 

I’m not saying I’m not gonna date anyone. I’m a Gringa in Latin America, that would such a waste of opportunities, especially since everybody thinks I’m 25! I’m just saying that I can’t move to the meaningful relationship stage with someone if I am not in love with them. Obviously, they would have to be in love with me too cause that would just be weird.

dating (pololeando)

they have this thing here. it-s called pololeando. yes, it-s just as awkward to pronounce as it looks. anyway, it-s where a dude (normally) asks the girl if she wants to pololear, which is basically 'will you be my boyfriend'. 

it-s just that when you-re almost 40 and some dude is asking to be your boyfriend. it-s kinda weird. it-s very junior high-ish. just thinking about the word 'boyfriend' make me physically cringe.

after thinking about for a long time though, it makes sense to ask someone this even if you are almost 40. it just means 'hey, i like you so much that i wanna hang out with you every minute of every day and fuck the shit out of you as much as possible'. the closest word we have for that is boyfriend and even then, not only does it NOT mean that, it means totally different things to different people. in chile, when someone asks you to pololear, there is no mistaking what that involves. 

maybe if we had a special word to describe adult relationships, it wouldn-t seem so weird. but alas, we seem to be forever stuck with boyfriend so we must continue to wade in the 'what are we?' pool that we all love so dearly.

and, yes, i am pololeando :P

dating (independiente)

in the U.S., we value our independence. not only as individuals, but also part of a couple. in fact, we view couples who spend ALOT time together as co-dependent and weird. it’s totally the opposite in Latin America. if you don’t spend every waking minute with that person or thinking about that person, you clearly do not view this person as a potential mate.

the thing is... i need alot of alone time. not only am i a gringo, but i-m an introverted gringo, which means i need shit ton of time alone, more so than the average american and for latinos it can seem like i don-t like the other person. it really has nothing to do with not wanting to be with the other person. it-s a basic function of my operating system.

and when you are not with the other person, they want to know EVERYTHING you did i your time part. how did you sleep - how many hours, did you dream, do you feel rested, will you need a nap later? did you have a good morning - were you busy, what did you accomplish, was your boss in the office? how many times did you go to the bathroom yesterday?

ok, I made that last one up, but I am expecting it any day now. seriously, they want to know EVERYTHING. for gringos, it’s quite tedious. we do not want or need this level of detail from ANYONE, especially not early in a relationship, but it’s a vital part of bonding here.

i can totally see how it would be a good thing to be so nosy. you can learn a lot just by asking simple questions instead of waiting until there are problems to ask questions. that being said, it’s not my culture so when someone is asking me soooo many questions, it doesn’t feel like a relationship so much as a doctor’s visit.

guatero

i’m taking a break from talking about dating to talk about something waaaaay more awesome!!! el guatero. it’s a  rubber thingy that you fill with hot water and it keeps you warm for hours. i have no idea how to un-awkward that description. oops!

i first saw my roommate using one and she was like ‘this thing is super old school. nobody uses them cause everybody has electric blankets, but i simply cannot part with my guatero’. i had to admit that it seemed a bit archaic, but i was intrigued at it-s power of her.

then, one day, i was complaining to my boyfriend about how his apartment is always like an icebox. i will literally be wearing a parka while he has on short sleeves - guess it doesn-t matter what country you live in, some things are the same. anyway, one day when i was being especially whiny when all of a sudden he whipped out a guatero!

i fell madly in love with that thing. nowdays i sit at work and dream about heating up my guaterito (little guatero) y snuggling with it all night long! oh, how i love thee guatero!

p.s. i would never use a guatero en the united states because we have central heating. in chile, energy is a scarce resource hence the use of gas heaters and guateros.